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  1. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” -Erma Bombeck
  2. “The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy us then?’” -Jim Gaffigan
  3. “Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, BLAM! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” -Kenny Rogerson
  4. “You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” -Jay Leno
  5. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”-Anonymous
  6. “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” -Erma Bombeck
  7. “Toasted, roasted, baked and done! Hope your Thanksgiving is loads of fun.”
  8. “This Thanksgiving I hope you’re able to avoid the tragedy of the different foods on your plate touching one another.”
  9. “This Thanksgiving, cherish the time spent with your family as a reminder of why you moved very far away from your family.”
  10. “Vegetables are a must on Thanksgiving. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.”